Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Wacky Wednesday: Movies

So, with SDCC finally behind us, there are a few things nagging at me. Mostly it's just the rumors I hear about more stupid movies that are going to be made. I mean, currently in the pipeline we have Battleship and Candyland which are both movies based on fucking boardgames from when I was 7. This will continue to displease me until they decide to sign on for a "Pretty Pretty Princess" movie as well as a "Mousetrap" or "Jenga" movie. What am I talking about? The "Mousetrap" movie would never work. God knows the shitty game never did.

I feel like Hollywood is taking a "throw shit against the wall and see what sticks" mentality to movies now. I guess my thought is, instead of making 300 awful movies, why not just make a few really good ones? Instead of shitting all over my childhood (The Smurfs movie, anyone?), try coming up with a few original ideas. Oh wait, there are none of those left, and that is exactly why we're bombarded with a billion sequels.

What got me off on this anger march is the fact that there were two things confirmed at SDCC this year that really rubbed me the wrong way. I'm not sure why I've become so enraged about them, but I'll let you read the confirmations, then you decide whether I am entitled to be legitimately annoyed. 

Jurassic Park 4. Yes, that's right. Steven Spielberg confirmed that there will, in fact, be a JP4. My initial reaction was "Why?" followed by "Wait, they made a Jurassic Park 3?" I guess this kinda falls under the category of "Just because you CAN doesn't mean you SHOULD". I mean, the mere fact that I told more than one person about this project, and I wasn't the only one in the room to forget about JP3, should say something about the franchise. I mean, I UNDERSTAND why he's doing it. The technology is better, it's been regarded as a relatively successful franchise (at least the first two), and last, but not least, he's Steven f'n Spielberg, so any studio who wanted a big payday would gladly take on the project. I'm not sure why this annoys me so much. It could be that I was up at 6 with a screaming baby, or the mere fact that I feel like it's a total cop-out, but this whole thing irritates me. But that's not the only irritating thing to come from Comic-Con, so let's look at the next thing...

Captain Planet: The Movie. *SCHWING!* That was the sound of a million nerds (and a few non-nerds) getting a big 'ol boner over a movie that will be shitty. Again, let's take all of the great memories of things from my childhood and completely ruin them. As a kid, I LOVED Captain Planet. I was probably one of the biggest fans ever of that show. My sister and I would even pretend we were Planeteers. They were great memories, and that is where I wish for them to remain. Untainted memories form my 8 year old brain. Hey, that rhymed! This is just another project that shouldn't exist. I mean, look at the guy for crying out loud! We're going to make him into a LIVE ACTION movie? I mean, with THAT haircut and THOSE underpants, and the fact that he hangs out with children is going to make him look like a total pedophile.

I guess at the end of the day, I can be irritated about it, but there is nothing I can do about it. There are so few original ideas out there now, that if they can reboot a series, slap another number onto a franchise, or get ideas from beloved books, good on them. It doesn't mean that I have to watch.

Now that I am sufficiently through ranting, I will leave you with the following video, because God knows you've had that ridiculous theme song in your head since you read the words Captain Planet.

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